?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Feb. 24th, 2009

senior pic, guitar

The L Word.

So this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I was crying during Moulin Rouge thinking about love. I'm not as heartless as I may seem, but that's besides the point.
I hate thinking about love during this movie, but I always do. Guaranteed. I always think about the first time I fell in love, and how crushing it was to have that person taken away from me. It scares me to have the possibility of that happening again. To fall hard, and to be crushed even harder. I think that's why I have so many problems with relationships, not that I have commitment issues. I just don't want to set myself up for hurt again. So I end up putting my relationship in a very small box labled, SEX, leaving no room for emotional attachment.
I'm reaching out of that box, now.
One girl in particular, is very slowly coaxing me out, without even realizing it.
I know I can be more than just a sexually driven whore. I want to love and to be loved again. I want it so much it hurts, and that just drives me farther away from it.
I'm so nervous. 
Am I just a coward? Or am I just growing up?
I'm confused.
I wish this made sense to me right now.
I wonder if any of this makes sense to you, whoever you are, that's reading this.
I want to put myself out there. Risks are involved, yes. Is love worth that much? Risk pain and misery that will haunt you for god knows how long, just to love, and to be loved in return?
My answer is yes.
Somehow I manage to bring myself to this answer everytime. Even through all of the heartache, loving and losing, I want that feeling.
Who doesn't?
I can do this.
I just need to be strong.
There can be no doubt, only trust. Or there is no love.
I need to takes these risks, whatever they may be, or I lose my chance and hate myself.
For the third time.
Courage, that's my key.
Hopefully she'll help me. She's good at that, even though she probably doesn't know how.
 

When the sun goes down, and the shadows grow, just trust in us and forever know.
<3

Feb. 2nd, 2009

senior pic, guitar

Kleptomaniac.

Beauty with words and melodies
Voices of songbirds and canaries
Unraveling mystical mysteries
Describing and defining histories
Leading pencil to paper tonight
Unleashing frustrations and fright
Hair soft, skin smooth
Voices aloft, hers soothes
Tender and gentle lips glide
Words pass them,
Dignified
Swirling shades of blue
 paralyze
Looking in, not through,
My eyes
In a daze, I see her silhouette,
Black
Stealing hearts,
Kleptomaniac

8 billion people in this world
And I only want you.

Jan. 24th, 2009

senior pic, guitar

Rainbows and Butterflies.

Complication of a broken heart.
Numbed senses play their part.
Warmth of feeling;
A new beginning.
A ray of sunshine,
In the notes she is singing.
The light in her eyes
Reflects hope for me.
Days go by,
And soon she's all I see.
A new awakening
For an old personality.
True living color.
Now and ever will be.

Jan. 14th, 2009

senior pic, guitar

Anytime I Look After You I'm Yours.

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Just hold on to my love and I’ll help you be strong
But you’re so afraid to lose, and baby I can’t reach your heart
I can’t face this world that’s keeping us apart
When I can be the one to show you
Everything you missed before
Just hold on now, cause I can be the one to give you more
Let you know
Anytime you need love baby I’m on your side (hey)
Just let me be the one I can make it alright (I can make it alright)
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright

I look into your eyes, and I feel it coming through
And I can’t help but want you more than I want to
So baby take all of your fears, and cast them all on me
'Cause all I ever wanted is just to make you see
That I could be the one to give you
All that you’ve been searching for
Just hold on to my love, and baby let me give you more
You know, anytime

Anytime you need love baby I’m on your side (I'm on your side)
Just let me be the one I can make it alright (I can make it alright)
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright

And now there’s no way out
And I can’t help the way I feel
'Cause baby you’re the fire and I’ll be waiting right here
You know my love is real, baby
Yeah yeah yeah

Jan. 13th, 2009

senior pic, guitar

Out Of My League

It's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away,
and the feeling that I'm falling further in love
makes me shiver, but in a good way.
All the times I have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair,
and she purses her lips,
bats her eyes and she plays with me
sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say,
cause I love her with all that I am
and my voice shakes along with my hands,
cause she's all that I see, and she's all that I need,
and I'm out of my league once again.

It's a masterful melody,
when she calls out my name to me.
As the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes,
and I feel like I'm falling but it's no surprise.
cause I love her with all that I am,
and my voice shakes along with my hands,
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but I'd rather be here than on land.
Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need
and I'm out of my league once again.

It's her hair and her eyes today,
that just simply take me away,
and the feeling that I'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but, in a good way.
All the times I have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair,
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say,
cause I love her with all that I am,
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea,
but I'd rather be here than on land.
Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need
and I'm out of my league once again.

 


 
Tags:
senior pic, guitar

Low Fidelity Is For Battles

This is where I start to miss you, more than I can bear.
I hate this distance in between us, I don't think it's fair.

There are things in this world, that I don't understand.
Like: Love, war, gravity, or the lay of the land.
But all of these remain mysteries,
but one thing is for sure, you are worth living for.


It's like one thousand paper cuts,
soaked in vinegar.
Like the battles with yourself,
that leave you insecure.
It's all just a numbing charade
Until the day you finally wake up,
and you're not afraid.